Many of us grow up believing that being liked by others is the key to forming meaningful connections. We try to be agreeable, easygoing, and non-confrontational in the hope of being accepted. Paradoxically though, the need to be liked by everyone often creates distance in our relationships instead of closeness.
One of the most underrated but transformative shifts in how we relate to others is learning to be okay with being disliked. This mindset isn’t about being harsh or uncaring, but about choosing authenticity over approval. When you show up as your real self, you create the space for deeper, more honest, and more fulfilling relationships.
People-Pleasing vs True Connection
When your main goal is to be liked, you often find yourself hiding parts of who you are. You say “yes” when you want to say “no”. You avoid expressing unpopular opinions. You stay quiet to keep the peace. Over time, that creates a version of you that others might like, but don’t really know.
True connection comes from being seen as you really are. That can’t happen if you’re always filtering yourself to avoid being disliked. When you’re honest about your boundaries, your values, and your emotions, you allow others to connect with the real you, not just the agreeable version you think they want.
The Role of Discomfort in Honest Relationships
Real relationships involve conflict, disagreement, and sometimes, disappointment. Being okay with being disliked means being willing to face those uncomfortable moments instead of avoiding them. It means having the hard conversation rather than staying silent. It means telling someone how you really feel, even if they might not like it. It means standing up for what matters to you, knowing it might create friction. These moments of discomfort are not signs of failure, but often the doorway to greater trust. When you risk being disliked for the sake of honesty, the people who truly care about you will respect you more, not less.
Boundaries Build Intimacy
Many people believe that setting boundaries pushes people away but in reality, the opposite is often true. Boundaries create clarity, and they help both people in a relationship understand what’s okay, what’s not, and where the emotional lines are.
When you’re okay with the possibility that a boundary might make someone uncomfortable, or even cause tension, you’re prioritising honesty and self-respect over short-term harmony. When someone honours that boundary, it builds trust and intimacy that surface-level approval can never match.
The Power of Selective Vulnerability
Not everyone needs to know everything about you. It’s those you’re closest to who deserve to see the real you. That means sharing your fears, your passions, your disappointments, and your truths, even the messy ones.
Being vulnerable comes with the risk of being misunderstood or even rejected. When you accept that risk, however, you create the conditions for authentic closeness. You’re saying, “This is who I am. You don’t have to like all of it but I’m going to show up anyway.” That kind of courage invites others to do the same. It’s how real connection are made.
One of the gifts of being okay with being disliked is that it helps you see who your real people are. When you stop filtering your personality, when you speak your truth without apology, when you let your guard down, some people may pull away. That’s okay. It’s the people who stay, the ones who still show up, still care, and still choose you. Those are your people, and those relationships are the ones worth investing in.
Practical Ways to Build Closer Relationships Through Authenticity
- Be honest about your needs: Don’t pretend you’re fine when you’re not. Speak up.
- Allow disagreements: Let go of the idea that harmony means agreement. Respectful conflict can bring people closer.
- Communicate boundaries clearly: You teach others how to love and respect you.
- Drop the “Perfect” Persona: Let people see you struggle. Vulnerability is humanising.
- Accept when someone pulls away: Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Letting go makes space for the right ones.
Relationships Rooted in Truth
When you stop fearing disapproval and start showing up as your whole self, something shifts. Your relationships become less about performance and more about presence. Less about perfection, and more about connection.
Being okay with being disliked doesn’t push the right people away. It draws them closer. It clears away the noise and creates room for honesty, depth, and love that’s rooted in the truth of who you really are. That’s where the most meaningful relationships live, not in being liked by everyone, but in being known by a few.
