We’ve all encountered that person, the one who just has to top every story or achievement you share. You got a promotion? They became the CEO of their company. You ran a 5K? They casually mention their marathon record. These “one-uppers” can be exhausting to deal with, and if it’s someone close to you, it can strain your relationship. Before you write them off though, consider some strategies that can help you handle the situation gracefully while maintaining a positive connection.
Understanding why people behave this way is the first step to handling it effectively. One-upping often stems from insecurity, a need for validation, or even just a misguided attempt to connect. By sharing their own experiences, they might genuinely be trying to relate, but the execution falls flat. Recognising this can help you approach the situation with empathy rather than frustration.
Don’t Engage in the Competition
It’s tempting to counter their stories with bigger ones of your own, but this only fuels the cycle. Instead, stay grounded and avoid turning the conversation into a contest. For example, if they follow up your holiday story with a tale of their luxurious getaway, simply respond with, “That sounds amazing!” and leave it at that. You don’t need to prove your worth through comparisons.
Sometimes, one-uppers are just looking for acknowledgment. Responding with genuine interest like “Wow, that must have been quite an experience”, can satisfy their need for validation and keep the conversation moving. It shows that you’re listening without conceding that their story is somehow “better” than yours.
Steer the Conversation Back
If you feel overshadowed, gently guide the conversation back to your experience. Try saying, “That’s incredible! It reminds me of when I…” and continue your story. This approach acknowledges their experience while maintaining your space in the conversation.
If the behaviour is consistent and really bothering you, consider addressing it directly but with kindness. A simple statement like, “I love hearing about your experiences, but sometimes it feels like I don’t get to fully share mine,” can open up a constructive dialogue without coming across as accusatory.
Change Your Perspective
Sometimes, the best way to deal with a one-upper is to adjust how you perceive their behaviour. Remember, their need to one-up might have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own insecurities. Viewing it through this lens can help you react with patience rather than annoyance.
If their behaviour is particularly toxic or hurtful, it’s okay to set boundaries. This might mean limiting your interactions or consciously steering conversations away from competitive topics. Your mental well-being is important, and maintaining a healthy relationship sometimes requires a little distance.
Opportunties for Connection
Dealing with a one-upper can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to harm your relationship. Respond with empathy, maintain your composure, and set boundaries when needed. This can help you preserve the connection without feeling overshadowed. After all, conversations aren’t competitions, they’re opportunities for connection. Sometimes, the best way to “win” is to simply listen.
